How to Choose an Egg Donor: Psychological Considerations

4 FAQs about Psychological Considerations When Choosing an Egg Donor

Choosing an egg donor can bring up lots of emotions—both expected and unexpected. It can be extremely helpful to talk this all over with a mental health provider, particularly if you and your partner don’t see eye to eye on everything.

We are also available to help. All PFC patients who consider ovum donation have a complimentary meeting with our Marriage and Family Therapist (MFT). In the meantime, here are answers to a few of the most frequently asked questions about psychological considerations when choosing an egg donor.

1. I always imagined having a biological connection to my child. What if bonding is an issue?
   The experience of attachment to a child—that feeling of being in love—is unrelated to DNA. It may begin to happen during pregnancy and will continue to grow after birth as new parents respond to their baby’s needs for food, nurturing, and care. Studies show that the bond between mothers and babies conceived using donor eggs is every bit as strong as the bond between mothers and babies conceived in the more traditional way. Your love, values, and connection during and after pregnancy will all have an impact on the person your child becomes.

2. Who do you accept as donors?
   Donors tend to be intelligent, thoughtful, extroverted, and adventurous young women. It is exciting and gratifying for them to participate in cutting-edge reproductive science and to help all kinds of families have children. These are young women with high aspirations for themselves. They are pleased to be able to share their positive qualities with our families.

3. How picky should I be about selecting a donor?
   Choosing an egg donor is a very personal process. But just as in the rest of life, pay attention to first impressions. Which donor “jumps off the page” at you? Which do you resonate with? She will not be a carbon copy of you, but maybe she’s someone you could have chosen as a friend or imagine as a daughter. She may be someone you find intriguing, attractive, or smart. Remember: Children become who they are through a variety of influences, not all genetic!

4. Should my partner and I review donor profiles together or separately?
   It often works best to spend some time looking at profiles separately, narrow down your choices, and then discuss your preferences together. That way, as you go through the process of finding an egg donor, you each have time to respond without feeling pressured by your partner.